Last year, my second child came home from school a wreck. There were tears filling in her eyes. My heart melted. She hadn’t ever come home from school like this. I couldn’t imagine what the problem would be. Throwing my arms around her and gathering her up, she broke down. I looked at my mom (who had brought the kids home)f or understanding, and she was smiling! Now I was really confused.
Finally, she calmed down and I asked what on earth the problem was.
K quietly mumbled that she had boy issues.
My stomach dropped. Somewhere, a little part of me died as it screamed “TOO SOON!”
I reigned in my mini freak out and waited.
She poured out a lot of words all at once and this is the closest I can get it– imagine it as one very,very long word:
So at breakfast this morning, Hugh told me that Rex thinks I am his princess and he’s in LOVE with me. *GASP* and if that weren’t bad enough, Rex himself whispered in my ear today. IN MY EAR, mom. IN MY EAR, he whispered “I dream of you, K…” Why is this HAPPENING?! He DREAMS of me?! Get me out of his dreams, Mom! *SOB* This is SO hard. and she slumped on the table dramatically. she whispered, HEEEEELP MEEEEE…
Not many things leave me speechless. I looked at my sweet little 6 year old and tried very, very hard to keep a straight face. I still didn’t get why she would be so upset. So I asked if this boy was rude, or “icky” or something. She said he was not rude and most definitely not icky, but he was also most definitely not supposed to be whispering to her or dreaming about her.
So we had a little talk that I’ve been preparing to give my girls for some time. I’ll repeat it over and over until they are sick of it and then some more. So I added E, our oldest to our sit down. It went a little something like this:
Welcome to my soap box girls. Do your very best to listen, okay?
You know, there will be a lot of times in your life when boys will think you’re pretty cool. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing embarrassing about it. They are made to think you’re pretty awesome. There will be times that you think some boy is pretty cool. That’s okay too. You don’t need to tell everyone and you don’t need to DO anything about your feelings or anyone else’s.
You guys are awesome little girls. Stay awesome. You need to be nice to those poor boys who think you are pretty cool, because they get just as mortified and embarrassed as you do. I want to make it clear though, ladies, that just because a boy likes you, doesn’t mean that you owe him anything. Be respectful; be kind; try not to treat him differently if you don’t feel the same way; but be careful that you don’t get yourself into the “going out” thing. It’s no good this early.
—Yes, K. I know you don’t LIKE him. That’s okay too. Just listen.
Now is the time you watch these boys who like you. You decide if they are the kind of people you want on your arm. The kind of people you want hanging around you all the time. If they are, you spend the next few years, being the best student, friend and young lady that you can be. You know why? Because the kind of boy, you want to hang around the most, is the kind of boy who wants a girl who knows who she is, treats herself and others with respect and most importantly, hasn’t done the “going out” thing very much.
You’ve got time. As you watch your friends and the boys your age interact, watch what happens. Decide if you want what they have or if you want something more. You deserve more and so do they. This whole going out thing turns into dating the dating into marriage a long, long time from now. You know what makes a good marriage? Knowing how to be friends with someone who makes your heart race, makes you say and do silly things, makes you think aboutt hem all the time and get mad or sad like you never have before with anyone else. You HAVE to know how to be friends. Cuz there are times when Daddy and I don’t have a lot of time for holding hands. There are a lot of distractions from those butterflies and if all we have is butterflies, they wear out and you get to hang out with a BOY.
Yep. Boys who aren’t your close friends are the strangest, oddest, most frustrating creatures who don’t make a lot of sense and you make less sense to them. I want you to learn how to be their friends now. Learn who they are so you can understand THEM, not just that you think each other are pretty cool. I can promise you right now that any boy will want to be friends, and when he’s older want to date a girl who understands herself and what she wants but more importantly, understands him.
So, I guess what I am saying, is YEA! You’re already on your way to knowing who you are! So be nice to the boy and be his friend… and tell him your Daddy is really tough too, cuz he should know that.
K, who had been nodding for the last bit looked at me confidently and said “Yep. They are pretty odd creatures, aren’t they?”
I said “Yes. Yes they are. But they can be pretty cool.”
- A Girl Mom (scarymommy.com)
- A Mother’s Lecture: When boys think you’re pretty cool. (girlsvsblog.wordpress.com)